Lawd a mercy what a shitty year!!! I hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected. In typical me fashion I have no idea when or what I last updated about and am too lazy to check so I'll just type what I feel. 

I'm 35 now and I've settled down? Lol I guess it's weird to say bc I never un-settled?? I was picked on so much in high school and had no friends in college etc and as an only child it has always been in my nature to be a loner. I think I've just become okay with it more recently. I used to be mad annoying in trying to get and keep friends and despite that it never works out in the long run... which I've accepted. I remember the days when most of my friends were on this site lol and I mean I have no regrets I had good times. But at some point, I learned to accept that I'm not made for long term friendships?? I honestly don't say this like it's a sad or bad thing. Because I'm happy. But just thinking on that... some of the "best friends" I've had in my life:

1) Told me I ruined her childhood and that she regretted spending so much time with me

2) Told me her bf abused her, making me hate him, making me tell her she was better off when he cheated and she was leaving.. then suddenly she was pregnant and married and "happy" and I was the bad guy lol

3) Had multiple personality disorder that I only found about after she snapped on me several times for no apparent reason so I blocked her (and never felt the need to unblock)

4) Told me she was no longer interested in her baby daddy, then I befriended him later and he told me some girl had a crush on him, I told him to go for it and got told off by friend for 'steering her man (??) to another woman' and blocked.

Honestly lmaoooo I've found that there's so much drama in friendships with women??? And I hate to say it, I also hate to say this but I get along so much better when my friends and bosses are male. I'm not only a feminist but a lesbian so I love women, man... and I hate those chicks that be like I gEt aLoNg wItH bOyS nOt FeMalEs but omg it's true. One of my closest friends now is a guy and it's so awesome and chill to just talk about video games and chicks and world issues and not have random drama cat fights or have people get mad at me for things I can't even figure out until later???

Anyway. That's where I am.... the pandemic has undoubtedly sucked but I've fared better than most because I rarely go out anyway. I always wear a mask and I hate the "ITS A HOAX" idiots but I'm also not going to stop living my life. My job was hit hard, but hopefully I won't get furloughed.... a lot of people took an early retirement and/or separation package and that'll help me stay on. I didn't consider leaving because I LOVE my flying benefits and I also get paid pretty well and generally like my job. I gave up looking for a 'passion' long ago and I'm fine with it. I just hit 10 years at my job and I max out in pay in a few months. Right now we have 3 off days to help offset costs and frankly I love it and hope they continue it.

I know I've posted since but Tara and I are engaged now and it's really nice knowing I'm with my life partner. I guess a lot of the reason I'm ok with minimal friends is bc she is actually my best friend and spending time with her makes me feel incredibly happy and normal — like, all those years I missed out on the bar or club scene is ok because I can go now and I've got the prettiest girl there on my arm. It makes up for everything. Her and I used to bicker over little things but now we get each other and when she's having a moment I won't get all in my feelings and pout now... we let things go and don't argue much anyway. We're so different but it works because she brings out parts in me that I love and she's so classy and beautiful but still thinks I'm cute in a fucking pusheen t-shirt at 35 years old. 

We went to South Africa for her birthday last year so the HORROR at having to stay in the US this year, haha. In June we went to Denver, and last week for her birthday we went to Portland and Seattle. We're both super cautious due to our jobs (her nursing home, me airport) and thus far neither of us have had the virus. I was really hoping for the antibodies like several of my coworkers had but nothing. I'm lucky to be able to get free tests through work, and I feel pretty safe since everyone has to wear a mask.

Anyway. Idk the point of this post but I'm still kickin and I'm happy. I hope everyone else is too! 


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